Today, as well as driving all day and helping out tirelessly with all the Cook-Inn work, my gorgeous husband Duncan has volunteered to construct the blog! Warning; Duncan is a dyslexic, which means my tiny fingers will be doing the actual typing and proofreading. Further warning; Duncan is a bigger science fiction fan than even I am! This means that what follows may well be what actually goes on in his head while the rest of us are concentrating on reality… Cue credits, and those words endlessly rolling up the screen at the beginning of every Star Wars movie…
‘Fighting the callous policies of the current UK government from the inside are our intrepid heroes, railing against the injustice of inaccurate medical assessments and benefits sanctions wherever they find them. No longer shall the words ‘Personal Independence Payments’ strike fear into the hearts of the most vulnerable members of our society. Instead, hope in the form of our Rebel Uprising (Fresh Food Bank) will win the support of millions, one day to bring about a tectonic shift in the fortunes of less financially blessed Scots everywhere’!
Our story begins with Janine (here seen as ‘Rey’ from the new Star Wars trilogy. Yes, I know I am a good twenty five years too old and knackered. The man is still in love! I think it’s sweet). She is accompanied by that huge, famous, furry and apparently ageless loud humanoid, Chewbacca. Duncan, of course. From that description even ‘Star Wars’ novices should recognise him. Together they head off in their old banger, about the same age as the ancient ship ‘Millennium Falcon’ in which Chewbacca always flew. As they approach, the brightly coloured banners of their destination, Morrison’s, flap wetly but with gusto in the liquid sunshine. Chewie’s furry torso, covered in reality by a ‘Minions’ T-shirt and a barely adequate orange rainmac, leaves puddles on the shiny floor as they barter for supplies with the native workers. Eventually they are presented with twelve whole crates of fresh space rations (fruit and vegetables to you), with which they speedily make for the doors. Suddenly, a familiar face appears to help them make good their exit; George, actually from Ireland but in Duncan’s story he’s Luke Skywalker from Ach-To. He opens the doors by using the Force (presumably, the ‘force’ of his big army boots) and helps push the humongous edifice out into the rain.
As Chewbacca headed for the Rebel Base (yes, the Hollies – all this fantasising is hard work) he was flanked by ‘Luke’ in his X-wing Fiat Panda. It had needed a wash this morning but ‘Luke’ was fairly certain that the downpour had saved him fifteen minutes and a few quid in the Morrison’s car wash. Once parked and unloaded, the three heroes discovered their ally – Clive (here seen as the Rebel hero Finn; arguably the recent film’s coolest character) creating a secret weapon against the dastardly schemes of the Empire; a nutritious and very tasty vegetable soup! His skills with the raw materials of carrot, parsnip and celery are legendary. Great ballads will be sung about his clever use of herbs and spices for ages untold. ‘Rey’ heads off in George’s car to rescue a pair of surprisingly cute catlike aliens from starvation by providing them with lunch. In the process she raids a plastic bag recycling point to get enough bags for the Rebels to fill with lovely fresh grub. The catlike aliens mewed cutely, and even the really ancient one (Romany) came up for a stroke! This is good news, because it could mean he is feeling better than he has in recent weeks. In cat years he is about as old as Yoda, the ridiculously ancient and tiny ‘Jedi’ teacher who was also surprisingly cute – and who ‘disappeared into the Force’ (died) in movie 6. Well, if Yoda had been on this many vet pills, he would have rattled when he walked!
Upon returning, ‘Finn’ served up a feast to prepare our warriors for their upcoming battle – mainly with the weather I admit. But no army ever ate better. fresh haddock, new potatoes and greens followed the soup mentioned earlier, accompanied by fresh orange juice. After that lot, we needed some Force to get up out of our chairs and do the deliveries! Adele the Pedestrian Powerhouse elected to deliver the huge Musselburgh run with Gordon, who arrived at her call. ‘Chewie’ and his adoring wife (in reality, not in the movie – that might be weird) performed the two remaining East Lothian runs, while George – slightly in-character with Luke, because he veered off afterwards and disappeared – went all the way to North West Edinburgh to deliver the Pilton run and check on our outreach worker, Fred, who sends his apologies because he wasn’t well enough this week to help out. Afterwards, we three remaining Rebels cleaned up theHollies and went out for ice-cream!
God bless, all.
Duncan the furry Wookie, and Janine. xx