Mad Dunx:- Foody Road


Scottish Charity Number: SCO40701

COOK – INN Musselburgh operating in Edinburgh & East Lothian

24th March 2019.                        Mad Dunx: Foodie Road!

(This story is dictated by Duncan; arranged by me, and taken loosely from the film ‘Mad Max; Fury Road).

Our story starts in the midst of the Brexit Apocalypse. Our brave heroes hunt the barren wastelands of Scotland in a post-referendum winter, searching for anything usable to help the people survive the ravages of Westminster. They have forged an agreement with the Morrison’s in Piersfield.

Road warriors Mad Dunx, George, Stanley and Feston converged on the church at Granton. Mad Dunx and George, along with Janine and Rhoda, had already been to Morrison’s, collecting supplies. A big ‘hello’ to Rhoda just now, for coming all the way from Dunfermline! With the help of the amazing champion Gillian Lawson and her cohorts, nine crates of consumables had been acquired. Our brave heroes, you will remember, are fighting against the economic evils of the seemingly-immortal May (They just can’t get rid of her) and the cult of mass confusion. These harsh realities are bringing down the masses by way of a spreading food poverty not seen since the last time famine and unfeeling medical assessments scourged the land.

So; the warriors have battled through winter weather and low fuel gauges to rendezvous at what used to be the  ‘Paradise’ Oasis. Here lies the remnants of a once-great lunch club, cafe and sanctuary. Here, in the big hall of the SDA church, the ‘lost tribes’ of Boswall, Granton, Pilton, Muirhouse and Drylaw used to gather in peace and harmony – and eat well.

As Mad Dunx and Rhoda arrive at ‘Paradise’, they are overjoyed at the sight of Clive the Consumables Conjuror. Clive has travelled in early himself, and he awaits the intrepid scavengers in order to turn their edible wares into rare, ‘Dun-Edin’ delicacies – to feed to the ‘lost tribes’ of the Lothians.

Road warrior Stanley arrived shortly after, and he assisted Mad Dunx in carrying their goodies into ‘Paradise’. He was closely followed by George, Feston and Chanelle. Mad Dunx now sneaks a crate of consumables to Clive, so that he can work his magic and make lovely soup and artisan bread for the masses. Then the rest of the warriors divide up the remainder of the spoils. While they work, Clive the Conjuror kindly transforms some of the rescued consumables into ‘Uisce-baeatha’ (this is ‘water of life’ – google it. And no, Duncan doesn’t mean whisky). After a hearty meal, the rest of the hot food is decanted into compostable containers for transport all over Edinburgh and East Lothian – there to take its place in combating the evils of poverty and the intimidating ‘Shadow of Brexit’.

George and Rhoda load up their vehicle, ready for their mad dash to the outer limits of Pilton. Three small tribes (families) there will each receive soup, bread and a bag of food. Stanley has the largest load this week, as he will be racing off to the shady vale of Stoneybank. Feston, Chanelle and Clive, in their turn, will be racing across the Musselburgh mudflats to Susan – whose eagle eyes pick out those locals who could do with a little help.


Mad Dunx himself has the longest and most treacherous journey through the wastelands, there to confront his arch-nemesis. Setting his stubbly jaw in a grimace of determination, he races to the aforementioned Shady Vale. The wind nearly blows his car onto the pavement as he turns the corner to meet; His wife Janine (he calls me the Imperator)! Standing with Adele (the Pedestrian Powerhouse) on the windy slopes of Stoneybank. Stanley and the ladies have already delivered the run, and unbeknownst to Mad Dunx the girls sneaked up to Adele’s flat for a quick cup of tea and a bit of ‘Scotch and Wry’ before he showed up.

Mad Dunx, now facing his greatest challenge (still me) opts for co-operation. He and his ‘Amazon’ (Yep…me again) head off for the final run. This would be through the wasteland (of Musselburgh on a Sunday) to a greener space; Prestonpans and Wallyford!  Cold, blown about and looking a little raggedy, they finally finish the last of the deliveries. Today, the Road Warriors fed 31 small tribes (families). We can all agree that it was a job well done. Any day that the ‘Greed-mongers’ and ‘Planet-ravagers’ are fended off from further attacks against the good people of Scotland is a good day…

The End.

The authors wish to say a huge ‘thank you’ to everyone around the globe who gives up their time, energy and sometimes even their lives to help heal, feed and protect those in need. ‘Cook-Inn’ may only be a tiny charity, but we are making a difference in our community.

 ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing’ – Edmund Burke.

We need more good people to stand up against the evils of poverty and social inequality. To volunteer, please call the helpline; 07531 436 389. Or just turn up at Piersfield Morrison’s around 11am; or at Granton SDA Church; 61, Boswall Parkway on a Sunday. 🙂

God bless, all. See you next week. – Janine, Duncan and Reiver the Mad Cat. xx

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