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A process of elimination

It was an ordinary Tuesday night after closing time. All was quiet apart from the odd noise from the shop floor where shelf-stackers toiled till light of day. A peaceful hush had descended over the ‘Staff Only’ areas. Then quite suddenly a new sound erupted from the back of the store…
Emergency! Emergency! blinked the light in the big Morrison’s fridge. All the fruit and vegetables looked up in fright, wondering if the electricity was going off – but no, the little light still worked. It was just in a constant state of panic. What could be wrong?
‘I hate to burst your bubble’ remarked a courgette, ‘but I’ve had a text from some of the veg living in one of the Cook-Inn founders’ homes in East Lothian. The usual author of the weekly blogs has been off sick from work! There might be a chance…’ here he paused for dramatic effect while the veg in the cooler corners of the room shivered. ‘…We might not get our story written’!
A collective gasp went up from the audience. A couple of the younger apples and a small persimmon showed their disappointment by falling off their trolley and rolling about the floor in a fit of pique. A very small pomegranate began to cry quietly, and was comforted (and a bit squashed) by a nearby sack of potatoes. After the fuss had died down a little, a few of the older specimens decided to have a brainstorm about it.
‘Speaking as a vegetable with more brains than most’ began a large cauliflower, its great white head indeed resembling a gigantic brain – ‘I feel that we should let things happen the way they are going to happen. None of us has achieved fame and fortune on our own, so why should we expect to be immortalised in print’?
‘Speak for yourself’! snapped a cucumber. ‘I’ve worked hard to be where I am now. I’m not about to give it up just because some charity worker can’t get out of bed in the mornings’.
‘Where you are now’, explained a rather sarcastic melon, ‘…is at the back of the store’s fridge, beginning to reek a little and about to be sent off to landfill. So shut up and let’s see if there is anything we can do about this state of affairs’. She ducked as some nearly liquid cherry tomatoes were lobbed in her general direction.
Outvoted, and being quite a good loser, really, the old cauliflower sat down for a really good think. Eventually he stood up and asked; ‘Does anyone have that phone handy’?
It was quite a simple plan. The most likely reason for a human to be unwell (if you’re a vegetable) seemed to be the lack of good nutrition. Therefore, a message must be sent to the humans to make good, hearty soups for their comrade. That way, even that allergic one (the blog writer herself) could be given her best chance to make a quick recovery. The Morrison’s veg formed a team to send texts to the fridges of all the ‘Cook-Inn’ members, in the hope that the veg in the right fridge could fix the problem before the Sunday collection. Texts flashed from tiny phone to tiny phone with the message to get the humans to cook!
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Some messages fell on deaf ears, as the ‘Cook-Inn’ team member in question had bought no veg or fruit to carry them the message. Some were stymied by the fact that the recipients had no phone or wifi package. Luckily, the home of the blog’s authors contained both wifi and a well-stocked fridge. As the message reached the crowded white goods, the vegetables all began to mobilise.
‘Reiver? Get out of the kitchen’! Yelled the blog author herself, as the sound of all the vegetables suddenly rolling around together had made a noise surprisingly similar to her plumper and more adventurous cat when he is busy destroying something which the author wanted left alone. The author’s charming husband entered the kitchen, determined to evict the small, feline opportunist before he discovered how to reach the cat treats on the top shelf. Finding no Reiver, he decided to check the fridge because it was making a funny noise.
‘On count of three,’ whispered an excited mushroom, ‘let him have it’!
‘Steady on’! Scolded a more experienced red pepper. ‘He’s going to have to understand the message. It’s not enough to just try and bellow it out to him. Humans don’t generally speak vegetable’. She whipped around the interior of the fridge – peppers are really quite fast movers, as anyone who has ever had too much spicy food might know – organising all the vegetables present into position. When Duncan (for it was indeed he) pulled the fridge door open, the words ‘cook’ and ‘soup’ were vaguely visible on the two bigger shelves. Add to this the almost palpable sense of expectation wafting around the general area (along with the lingering smell of last night’s gluten-free pizza) and it wasn’t surprising that Duncan stood up and said that he was going to cook tonight.
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Being allergic to some stuff already, Janine had decided to go on a thing called an elimination diet. This means that you get your health right on basic foods you can be reasonably sure won’t have been the cause of the problem. After a few days of this you can vary the diet, adding in just one thing at a time and backtracking if it seems to cause a bad reaction. Duncan, in his effort to aid his wife in her endeavour, went through a cartload of veg in just a few days. Hot soup was the medicine, and by Sunday both the blog’s authors were reasonably fit to go. Off they went to make up 26 bags of nice veg and fruit, giving it all out (with the help of our intrepid volunteer team) and ensuring that the unsung heroes – the original recipients of that little text, this week’s donation of Morrison’s veg – are now away on their separate journeys to the homes of people all over the Lothians.
Here’s wishing all our readers a happy week, and please ‘like’ and comment about the blog on our website.

Cook-Inn Musselburgh | Incipscuous!
We are a Musselburgh base organisation that seeks to make the best of food products by recycling products. That is we collect food donated to us and run cooking classes using some of them then share the finish delicacies with various service users here and in parts of Edinburgh.
A special message from Duncan.
Monday is ‘Bonfire night’. For many this is a joyful occasion, but I earnestly ask 3 things;
1) Please use all fireworks responsibly.
2) Please remember pets do not like fireworks.
3)In this time of remembrance, many of our armed forces suffer from PTSD. Fireworks can trigger anxiety. Please be respectful.

God bless,

Janine, Duncan and the two cute cats. xx


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